i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
