Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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