I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
