the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
