When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
