My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
