you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
should my penis look like a turkey
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
did i just pee glitter
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
