Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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