I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
