Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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