he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
