Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
