He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
