he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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