girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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