no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
