Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
