There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You pole danced in your parka.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
