dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
