there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
