My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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