Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
