OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dignity is for republicans.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
