Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize