nut hugger
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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