How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
