for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
