What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
