what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
