Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
