I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
even my farts smell like vagina
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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