How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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