I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The Olympian is in my bed
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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