I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize