I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize