and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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