You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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