Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
