Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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