I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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