If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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