i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
