I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize