It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize