sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
