I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
