Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
