Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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