So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize