Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize