it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
