I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
