I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
