Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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