in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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