Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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