You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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