I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
