I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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