butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
