I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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