i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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