He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
