You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
