addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
