Midget sex pt 2 tonight
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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