it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
