Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
