Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
