Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
