I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
