my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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