why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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