My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
